I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
