dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
