Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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