If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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