I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
