no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
