why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
