can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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