I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
