Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
