That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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