I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
