And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
