Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Holy sore nipples Batman
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
