She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
