Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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