she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
