proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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