Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
