Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
