The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
