I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she looked like the before picture.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
