This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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