sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
