someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
