Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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