She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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