guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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