That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
