I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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