my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
