Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
