just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
