There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
