in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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