i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
