On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
