Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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