singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
