u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
