dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
