I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
