dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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