he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
