what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
