Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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