please come you make the beer taste better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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