he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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