nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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