I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
