he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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