Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
