I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
