I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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