She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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