If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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