i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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