Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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