So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
