Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
