Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
