90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
