I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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