Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When are your genitals available?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
