Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
