grandma shit on top of the toilet
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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