Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
