Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
