Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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