he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
