If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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