This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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