i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
