well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
