my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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