Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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