They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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