I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Randomize
